Oh January, I hate to sound clichéd, but I am relieved to see the back of you.
You’re a much-maligned month and I have been your staunch defender. Your arrival is like plunging into a cold, clear pool. Your lengthening days are free of the chaos of purchasing and planning that lays siege to December. You are such a beautifully bare month. My son’s birthday is also approaching. He was born on February 2nd, and announced his impending arrival on the 1st, the pagan festival of Imbolc that welcomes the return of the light. What auspicious timing, along with tentative signs of spring – although I am indulging in a fat slab of poetic licence here. The day of his birth was savagely cold, and spring’s heartbeat was sluggish beneath a skin of ice. Snow fell as I lay with my labour pains, and the weeks that followed, if I had to draw them in crayon, would be scribbles of black, grey, and red. For me, new motherhood was the most astonishing and terrible of things all at once. The wintriest of springs.
This January rattled me like a rock in a bucket. A clunky simile perhaps, but that is how it feels. My mood has been volatile, veering from crying in bed over heartache that refuses to heal, to a simpler melancholy that is soothing, in its way. Of course, for much of each day, I’ve just been getting on with it, sufficiently occupied to quell any underlying anxiety. On occasion, I have also been visited by an almost otherworldly sense of peace and ease – a delightful surprise, like snowdrops breaking through the frost.
Given that I am in menopause, within certain angles the mood swings don’t alarm me, as I know they will pass – if I just breathe properly, or curl my toes to feel the floor, or watch the wood pigeon plucking at bits of moss on the roof outside my kitchen window. In stillness dwells okayness. Capricious hormones, however, have not been the only reason for a challenging month.
I am a freelance translator, and my biggest client, a Swiss agency, has had to negotiate a brutal rate cut in order to retain a major contract. Overnight, my ‘market value’ has been slashed by a third. After a morning of overwrought tears, however, it occurred to me that this may be the push I need to acquire additional, paying skills. Translation as a career is likely to disappear within the next decade or two, as Google Translate et al become ever-more sophisticated. My role will dwindle to that of revising a robot’s output, on even less pay. No thanks.
Normally, I would talk to my Mum about my money worries, but she has Alzheimer’s and conversations with her are now confined to the dates of birthdays (she can no longer remember mine), Sean is getting tall, isn’t he, oh, it’s lovely to see you! … on a loop. Anyway. It’s sad. Let’s leave it at that.
Another source of frustration has been my worsening ankle pain. The joint is worn out, and the only fix is fusion surgery. My running days are over (OK, more poetic licence – it was slow jogging, and I hated the actual jogging bit but loved how I felt in the endorphin-saturated afterglow). Walking is painful. Occasionally, the pain becomes so acute that, briefly, I cannot put any weight through the foot. There are far worse ailments than a bad ankle, but the physical restrictions do get me down and, as a single parent, I’m very anxious about the prospect of surgery that will be followed by up to eight weeks of no walking and twelve weeks unable to drive my car. Looking on the brighter side of ‘grankle’, as my grumpy ankle is now affectionately known: I have a consultant appointment far sooner than I expected, just two weeks away now, and I am fortunate to live in a country with a free national health service. Post-surgery, I should be largely pain-free. Those are genuine positives, and I am genuinely grateful for them. As I am for the ready availability of over-the-counter painkillers in the meantime.
Then there’s this blog, and how fretful about it I have become. Writer’s block has persisted throughout January. I should be used to it; I suffered from it for thirty-four years. A single critical comment by my English teacher when I was sixteen annihilated my confidence in my ability to express myself. Once I lost that, I see in hindsight, life became quite a bit more difficult for me. My natural inclination is to make sense of my world by writing about it. Put simply, I believe that, had I pursued my writing in spite of that teacher, I would have handled life somewhat better in the intervening years.
I have always said that I regret nothing in my life – but my abandonment of writing I do regret, and bitterly. I’m ashamed to admit that I still grapple with resentment towards that teacher, an anger that inhabits a nasty, sour little place within me. She was a timid woman with no liking for teenagers, an intellectual who was exasperated by our general failure to grasp Chaucer. She was, in short, spectacularly ill-suited to teaching a class of boisterous and bored comprehensive school pupils. They lacerated her. She once burst into tears in the classroom, so playground legend had it. The dispassion with which I reflect on that is a measure of how much her careless words cost me. Of course, the treatment meted out to her by her students must have cost her very dearly too…
My relationship with this blog unsettles me. Its readership is very small – and, let me just add, treasured. Yet I am now at risk of letting it define my sense of self. I have to write, I need to write, I love to write, I hate to write, I am compelled to write, I lack time to write, I am overly desperate to write, I have spent over three decades knocking about in a wordless vacuum and I… OK, I’ll stop, sorry Miss Englishteacher, I nearly spewed out another purple passage there…
But: I am scared. After feeling so relieved and thrilled to finally bring this little blog into life, and so uplifted by the conversations it has triggered and the support I have received – I am now just really, really frightened that I am not good enough. I feel like a fraud. I wonder if what I have written so far even came from me at all? Awen is a Welsh word describing the universal creative flow, one of the core tenets of Druidry. It is available to, and flows through us all. Yet it seems always to elude me these days. The bare bones of most the pieces that have made it onto this blog were clattering about in my mind, until that awen breathed flesh onto them. These last few weeks, I’ve been unable to grasp those moments of inspiration, to solidify them for long enough to put them into words. They turn to dust in my fingers, and I’ve felt disdain for everything I’ve written – this piece included.
My blog has ceased to feel like a safe space for me. Its walls have eyes. I am terrified of failing at the one endeavour that means more to me than anything else I have ever undertaken. My sixteen-year-old self is sucking at my feet like sodden clay. But I must push on, I must keep trying. Worse, far worse, than any fear of inadequacy is the abandonment of hope. I’ve given up on myself too many times in my life. A fear of rejection has always been my gaoler, my need to deliver perfection has always shackled me.
I don’t know if I can successfully force myself to write. Perhaps if I could take a week off work (less feasible now that my income has shrunk) and immerse myself in the task, just churn out words by the thousand and see what happens, like panning for gold, I would dispel this suffocating doubt.
This blog now feels like the wintriest of springs. All I know for sure is that merely waiting for inspiration to visit me isn’t enough. It even feels a little lazy, if I am honest – as if I am not shouldering the responsibility for my writing. It matters enough to me to risk failure, to put imperfect things into the world, to ride out the alternating love and disgust I feel towards my words. Because, no matter what, they ARE mine – and if I don’t share them with you, I will never feel complete.
Do you think all the great writers – of any genre of literature – never doubted their work or commitment?
As a very valued friend – if I came to you with the same fears/concern what would you say to me? What would you like to hear from your Mum pre-Alzheimer’s? As I will gladly repeat those words to you in order to stop some of your worry and fears!!
Pick up that pen or sit with your laptop and write what you see from your window…… just keep doing it – small paragraphs or large bodies of text. Write for yourself or your Mum. Then when you stop and read what you have seen you may be inspired to post on your blog. If you don’t it does not matter – bad things won’t happen – just pick up that own and write again!
❤️❤️❤️
Thank you, Lisa :) I will indeed just keep doing it, I love writing too much to stop, and I know my attitude towards it will fluctuate like my menopausal moods. That is a very wise comment about imagining what I would like to hear from my Mum pre-Alzheimer’s – and all the more meaningful because you went through the same experience with your Mum. Much love to you.
I enjoyed this read…and I am honestly not some kind of sadist who revels in reading about others’ woes. Keep writing, Lizzie… (when you can, and when it doesn’t feel like a chore). Menopause symptoms are responsible for so many glitches in my life. It seems to me that they literally suck the essence out of us! In my case, what is left seems to be someone I barely recognise. Recently, I am someone with ADHD-like symptoms, struggling to complete even the simplest of tasks as I am always focusing on the long list of other things that need to be done. Brutal inertia ensues, until my job, (or one of my children) literally depends on me taking some kind of action. Menopause has also robbed me of my vocabulary. So frustrating as a linguist…simple words escape me and I spend too long trying to bring to mind ‘le mot juste’. Today my task was to write 32 school reports. I have managed 10 in I daren’t say how many hours. This impacts on all the other things I need to do and leaves me feeling like a failure. So…I hear you. You are not alone. Don’t be too hard on yourself and thanks for sharing.
Rachel, thank you so much for your comment, and your honesty about menopause and its impact on you. I have a huge amount of respect for you; teaching is surely one of the most challenging of professions and, combined with severe menopause symptoms and raising teenagers, utterly, utterly exhausting. I hear you, too, about struggling to find the simplest of words, and the frustration that causes. I hope you are not too hard on yourself, either.
Lizzie, I don’t know you and came across your blog via a link in Satya Robyn’s newsletter. I love reading your words, they really convey exactly how you feel, but also how exhausted you are. May be use the eight weeks convalescing as a mean to spring clean that nasty inner sour place and replace it with softness and love and feel Awen flowing through smoothly by just allowing it, with the obstacle removed.
I stopped myself from writing because I did not want anyone to read the real me. I am now 70years old and I have just started.
Warmest wishes, Leela x
Leela, hello! Lovely to meet you on here, and thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I think that sour place has all but cleansed itself since writing this piece, but that may not have dawned on me, were it not for your wise suggestion. That is wonderful that you have begun writing again. Should you ever decide to make your words public, I would love to read them. Very best wishes to you. Lizzie x
Before today, your blog was undiscovered treasure on my map until Satya pointed it out to me. I paused and picked up this amethyst and gently turned it in my palm. There is more treasure here and more within you. Thank you for sharing your gift with us and take heart, because you do matter and I would be grateful if your voice continues to carry across the sea.💙
Leslie, what a beautiful comment. That has brought a tear to my eye. And it is a thrill to know that my words have carried across the ocean to you! Thank you so much for your words of encouragement x
I, too, arrived via Satya. Your writing is delightful, I thoroughly enjoyed it. “My sixteen-year-old self is sucking at my feet like sodden clay.” Brilliant! Please, do push on.
Hello Elizabeth! I am thrilled that you enjoyed reading this! It’s great to meet you here :)
Hi Lizzie, thanks for your writing, which I love. When I read your words it is, to me, like opening the door to a room blessed with the best sort of light coming from one of those windows that are the best sort of windows. The sort of window that handles all sorts of light, from thrillingly Springish to moody greys to midnights with madness. Please keep writing, I love this window with all its lights. I love your words x
Hello Val, I am extremely moved by your generous-hearted and beautifully-worded comment. I love your art, too, so I will keep writing while you keep creating your life-affirming, energy-suffused drawings and paintings. They are the very embodiment of Awen, and say something that words cannot. The painting of yours that I am fortunate enough to have hanging in my living room fills me with joy each and every day. x
Great post as honest as ever and it’s great to see so many positive comments on your writing :)
Thank you, Dave. And a big thank you for proofreading it before it went live! X